Love him or hate him, you gotta give it to Chad Ocho Cinco.  He sure as hell keeps the sport interesting.  In honor of his pending 32nd birthday tomorrow, we at SSP have decided to pay homage to his 32 years of making the world way cooler place to live in.  We look forward to 85 more!

January 9, 1978 – Age: 0.0

Chad Johnson is born. Little Ocho entered the world by way of Miami, Florida. Legend has it he was fined at birth for excessive celebration, and trash talking other newborn babies.

August 1997 – Age: 19.58

Chad Johnson plays his first college football game for Santa Monica College. The receiving core for the Corsairs was a deadly one two punch as Johnson was teammates with another Pro Bowl receiver, Steve Smith of the Carolina Panthers.

April 2001 -Age: 23.25

Johnson drafted in the 2nd round. That’s right, the second round. Denver selected Willie Middlebrooks ahead of Ocho Cinco. Middlebrooks is doing quite well, as he was named CFL’s defensive player of the week once in 2008 for intercepting a pass thrown by Winnipeg QB Kevin Glen. Not bad.  We are sure Denver has no regrets.

September 2005 – Age: 27.67

Ocho creates the infamous list “Who Covered 85 in ‘05″ In perhaps his first national publicity stunt, Ocho did not disappoint. The list was announced 4 days prior to playing the Baltimore Ravens. In an ultimate buzzkill move, Bengals head coach Marvin Lewis made a list called “What did 85 do to lead his team to victory.” Ocho was not a fan of Coach Lewis’ list.  Neither were we.

September 2005 -Age: 27.68

Johnson celebrates a touchdown with a Riverdance. In one of the best choreographed touchdown dances in football history, Ocho executed the moves of Riverdance with surprising grace. He got 6 for the TD, a 9 for the dance and 15 for the unsportsmanlike conduct.

December 2005 -Age: 27.91

Johnson celebrates a Christmas Eve touchdown by playing Santa. With this precedence being set, all players should be obligated to celebrate holiday touchdowns in a festive manner. Santa suits or other festive attire, stockings, dreidels, mistletoe or any other holiday traditions are not to be penalized, but celebrated. Let’s be reasonable people.

August 2006 -Age: 28.6

Johnson rocks a gold mohawk and gold grill. Simply Ocho being Ocho. One can never expect what he will do next, but should always expect a vibrant color.

October 2006 -Age: 28.75

Johnson is fined for wearing a tag on his jersey declaring his name as Ochocinco. In honor of Spanish heritage month, Chad touted himself as Ocho Cinco (not even the correct term for the number 85).Much to the chagrin of NFL officials, he claimed he would don the name on his jersey. Not interested in any threats of fines presented by the league, Ocho Cinco was born.

November 2006 – Age: 28.83

Johnson shaves a Mohawk and breaks Bengals record for receiving yards in a game. That is just what he does -  backs up his hilariously ridiculous antics on the field.

May 2007 -Age: 29.33

Johnson was sued for allegedly not giving away a Lexus that was supposed to be raffled off. Facts are spotty at best, but this seems like something Ocho would do. You have to exercise caution when you enter into a contest headed by someone would later change his last name to Ochocinco.

June 2007 -Age: 29.47

Ochocinco defeats a thoroughbred horse in a 200M race after being given a 110M headstart. Chad is fast. Chad beat the horse by 12 lengths. After humiliating the horse, Chad took him out for drinks. Chad and the horse remain good friends.

September 2007 -Age: 29.67

Johnson celebrates a touchdown wearing a jacketing resembling a HOF jacket. In a primetime prank on Monday Night Football,  Chad brought a jacket with “Future H.o.F. 20??” written on it. Some were outraged, but most were not. That’s frickin’ funny and most likely foreboding.

November 2007 -Age: 29.83

Johnson reaches a career high receiving 12 passes for 103 yards and 3 touchdowns. A great day to go to a Bengals game and see three excellent (Don’t even need to see them to be assured of their excellence) Ochocinco celebrations.

January 2008 – Age: 30.0

Johnson breaks his own record for season high yardage for the Bengals.  What the hell did you do for your 30th birthday?

August 2008 -Age: 30.58

Chad Johnson changes his name officially to Chad Ochocino. Who does that!? The entire sports world stopped for moment when this was announced. People thought it was just a publicity stunt.  No, in fact that sick bastard actually changed his last name to Ochocinco.

August 2009 -Age: 31.58

Bengals receiver Chad Ochocinco is fined $5,000 by the NFL for wearing an orange chin strap in a recent preseason game. Ochocinco revealed the fine on his Twitter page, first with a profane exclamation of disbelief and later offering as proof photograph of the letter he received from the league. Later, in a tweet reply to ESPN’s Chris Mortensen, Ochocinco said he was typing a letter back to the league and planned to fine them. A+.

August 2009 -Age:31.62

Ochocinco kicks an extra point for the Bengals. Ocho is verbal about his passion for his favorite sport – not football, but futbol. Ocho blasted the game’s opening kickoff and booted an extra point right through the uprights making him the league’s most talented and hysterical second string kicker. Ocho’s inspiration was soccer legend Ronaldinho. AC Milan’s Ronaldinho has yet to release plans to change his name to Ocho Cero.

September 2009 -Age:31.68

Ochocinco performs the Lambeau Leap. In Lambeau…he saw, he leapt, he conquered. Veni Leapi Vici!

November 2009 -Age:31.83

Ocho fake bribes ref with a dollar costing him many more dollars. Few things in life are certain – death, taxes, and Chad Ochocinco receiving fines.

November 2009 -Age 31.831

Ocho sends the Ravens deodorant.  Not too sure why and I prefer it this way.

November 2009 -Age:31.86

Even though Ocho, post Ravens deodorant fiasco, was prohibited by coach Marvin Lewis from sending the Steelers mustard, it didn’t seem to matter.Someone from greater Cincinnati, identified on the package’s return address as “Fans of Chad Ochocinco” (who may have still been Ocho himself), mailed the Steelers a box of Gulden’s Spicy Brown which was received in accordance with Ocho’s arrival.  This may have given Cincy the edge to complete the season sweep of the Steelas.

November 2009 -Age: 31.85

Ocho rocks a Snuggie while Black Friday shopping. Black Friday doorbusting at Target is what Chad does. After taxes and fines, Ocho can’t make a lot of money, if any at all. Popularized by Ocho’s twitter page, the Snuggie corporation reports record sales. Their slogan: “It’s the only thing that can cover Chad Ochocinco”.

December 2009 – Age: 31.97

Ocho celebrates a touchdown while wearing a stupendous and legit sombrero. Brace yourself: Ocho was fined for this,  despite it not even occurring on the field. I don’t care, that is entertaining.  Professional sports, being a form of entertainment, should have rewarded this good deed with a donation to Ocho’s favorite charity.  What has the NFL come to that man named Ochocinco can not celebrate his Latin heritage?

January 2010 – Age 31.99

Ochocinco, unprovoked, reportedly sent a text to Revis, commenting on Revis’ inability to cover him.  This turned into a Twitter war, complete with Photoshopped images of Revis Island.  One highlight is Ocho informing Revis that he could not cover him inside a Manhattan phonebooth with a paper bag over his head.

January 9, 2010 -Age: 32.0

Happy 32nd Birthday, Ocho! Here’s to health, wealth and the intangibles that only you can provide!  We here at SSP declare from this day forth to be Ochocino “Child, please”  Heritage Decade.